Bobby's Dead and I''m Next

The polio vaccine came in when I was in the first grade.  I knew about polio by then.  When someone in the city came down with polio, children were denied contact with anyone outside  their family for several weeks.  If polio came calling in the summer, all public swimming pools closed.   I loved the water, no swimming seemed the ultimate victory for the virus.

A mass vaccination for all children was held in Austin in the summer I was a second grader to be.   High school auditoriums were set up as vaccinations sites.  My paternal grandmother arranged for us to go with our neighbor and her son to McCallum High School.   That was fine with me.  Bobby and I played together every day.  We were best friends.

McCallum was packed.  Bobby and I took our places in line.  Adults were shooed to the other side of the auditorium, so mu grandmother and his mother deserted us.  Bobby and I were left in a line slowly moving toward the place of vaccination..  Bobby, always the brave one, went ahead of me.

I do not know how long it took us to reach the nurse delivering the shots, but it was long enough for me to build up considerable apprehension.  We had had our first shot in our elementary school, one class at a time.  There had been little time to fret about that shot.   Now, however, I had plenty of time to worry.  Bobby did not seem worried.  His nonchalance helped keep me calm.  Some kids behind us were crying

Jonas Salk vaccinating a child.

Now, we were at the vaccination station.  There were two nurses.  One giving the shot and the other comforting the last recipient of the vaccination.   Bobby stepped forward resolutely.  The nurse pushed up his sleeve a little, swabbed is arm, and injected the vaccine.

Bobby's  skin  instantly turned a translucent white.  He fell at my feet eyes closed, unmoving.  Dead, I assumed.  I could not move.  That shot had  killed my best friend.

Out of nowhere my grandmother and Bobby's mother appeared.  His mother scooped him up while my grandmother cradled his head.  They left with the body.

 Bobby was dead and I was next.  My grandmother had left me.  I was as frightened as I had ever been in my life.  I was so afraid that I did not cry.  I wanted to run, but I was frozen in place.

The helping nurse urged me forward with platitudes I do not remember.  All I remember was my heart pounding.

I managed to step to the appointed place.  The vaccinating nurse rubbed my arm with something cold, then deftly injected the vaccine.  I barely felt it.   I took a deep breath.  I was still alive,

The helping nurse patted me on my shoulder.  "You can go now."

I moved away as quickly as I dared, but I did not run.  The auditorium was large it took me a moment to spot my grandmother and Bobby's mother.  I went to them.  Between them on a bench lay Bobby.  Alive.

Bobby was a still pale, but his eyes were open.  The back of his had was resting on his mother's purse.

"Bobby's fine.  He just fainted," my grandmother said.

I said nothing.  Bobby was alive and so was I.

Health Insurance an Illusion

When health reform passed, I thought I might have a chance to visit a doctor when I needed to.  Not so.  I am still stuck in the Texas Health Insurance Risk Pool.  My premium keeps going up.  I could not pay my premium this month.  Unless I come up with two months coverage by the end of the month, I cannot continue to have health insurance.  I have a steady income of $1100/mo.  My health insurance premium takes more than half.  I have very little left to live on.

I cannot transfer to the federal program because I am in the Texas program.  If I go without insurance for 6 months then I can apply for the federal insurance.  I do not know what to do.

If the Repubs do not repeal health insurance reform, then in a few years I will be able to obtain health insurance.  Of course, the odds are not on my side that I will live that long..  I have avoided going to my cardiologist even though my primary physician says I should see her.  I don't have the money and the health insurance I have for the moment has a $2500 deductible I have not met and won't meet unless I am hospitalized.  Hospitalization becomes more likely if I don't see the cardiologist.  Isn't life fun?

Delaying implementation of health insurance reform may have been necessary, but how many will die because of the delay?  No one cares.

The United States has hardened its heart.  The Repubs blame the poor and the unemployed for their plights.  Remember all the Repubs that said unemployment insurance only encourages the unemployed not to work. What does it matter that there are often hundreds of applicants for every job.  Keep them destitute and some will volunteer for the military.  That's how to increase recruitment.  The pulpits of the fundamentalist churches characterize poverty unless caused by illness or injury, as a sin.  After all, if you give to the church it will be multiplied and returned to you, they preach.  Wealth is a sign of God's approval.

We are not a Christian nation.  We are a selfish nation.  We concentrate on the accumulation of personal wealth.  We ignore the neighbor next door eating ramen. God does not bestow riches because we give to a church, synagogue or mosque.  God bestows his riches when we follow his example and care for those around us.

DNA Detective Work Sheds Light on King Tut's Life, Lineage, Death - AOL News

The article, DNA Detective Work Sheds Light on King Tut's Life, Lineage, Death - AOL News, hit me hard.because I have suffered from the same bone disease he had, avascular necrosis.  My bones die unexpectedly, just as his did.  Maybe I am related to King Tut.

I have lost most of my right ankle bone and have had my left femur replaced because of necrosis.  I can tell you that the pain is intense and the crippling profound.  Tut may have been lucky to die young because without modern medicine his bones would have continued to die leaving him more and more disabled.

Before my hip replacement my left leg had lost more than a half inch in length,  My last request to my surgeon was "Make my legs the same length."  He did.

My problem is not related to inbreeding.  My mother and father were from different states and different ancestries.  I know my genealogy on both sides and their were no family intermarriage.  I have no ancestors to blame.

Maddow on Letterman

Rachel Maddow appeared on the David Letterman Show January 7, 2010. Letterman treated her with as much respect as he is capable of displaying. I would like to swap glasses with him. My vision without correction is 20/450.

Her comments about President Obama made me reassess my views. Rachel Maddow is correct. Despite the rantings of the far right and Republicans, Obama has achieved a remarkable track record in 2009. If he pulls health care reform out of the mire this year, he will have achieved what Presidents since Theodore Roosevelt have wanted.

Maddow should have been selected as moderator for Meet the Press. NBC reverted to its "no broad capable" posture when it put David Gregory in that position. Rachel Maddow on MSNBC is the first crack in their masculine facade.

H1N1 Flu: A Guide for Community and Faith-based Organizations

The time has come for all of us to consider our place of worship and our faith community in regards to the H1N1 (swine) flu. If you click on title you will go to the federal governments guidelines for faith communities in regards to the H1N1 flu. Some states are already implementing guidelines for their state's faith communities. I am unaware of any guidelines issued by the State of Texas.

Communion can be an issue when a common cup is used. Precautions may need to be taken. Passing whole loaves of bread from which a piece is broken can also be a problem if people need to grasp the loaf to break off a piece. My church being Baptist does not use a common cup or loaves of bread usually. Nowadays, we use individual plastic cups that hold only a thimbleful of grape juice (no wine in a Baptist church), and tiny squares of compressed "bread". Those that prepare the wafers and cups must be mindful of their own health. Hand washing is still the best preventative.

I think the biggest issue for worshipers of all faiths is the closeness to a great many people. Most worship services bring people into close proximity. The flu virus can be easily passed in such an environment. The individual must be aware that "he is his brother's keeper" and refrain from attending when the individual feels the least bit unwell. Church leaders can remind their congregation of this obligation.

Wearing a mask is not particularly effective to prevent flu unless it is worn by someone who has the flu. Part of the problem is that masks lead to a false sense of security and a failure to wash your hands as frequently as you should. Hand washing is the number one preventative.

In my own church, great store is place on shaking hands with those around you at the beginning of the service. This is considered a way to promote fellowship. Handshaking is an ideal way to promote the incidence of the flu. I think greeting others with some phase such as "Peace be unto you" is far better.

If some form of greeting is wanted for newcomers to the place of worship. I suggest using healthy seniors as greeters. People over 65 are less susceptible to the flu and well-suited to greet both members and newcomers. Of course, anyone who has had the flu and recovered fully would be an ideal greeter.

The younger clergy need to be mindful of their own health. Standing at the door shaking hands with congregants as the leave is not the best idea now. Places of worship do not need their leaders in the hospital. The worshipers should understand the substitution of an older person to bid them farewell.

The H1N1 flu has not proved as dangerous as first feared, but it should not be ignored. Seasonal flu is not all that pleasant either. Get vaccinated and take reasonable precautions, so that we all can worship in good health.

H1N1 flu virus by CDC

H1N1 Flu: A Guide for Community and Faith-based Organizations

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Our God -the Golden Idol of Gratification

I fear for our country. As a nation, I fear we have lost our heart. Why should people suffer because they are too poor to pay for health insurance? Yet, as a nation we have turned our backs on such pain. We let insurance companies make life and death decisions based on profit and loss. There is no compassion or nurture in the counting of dollars.

People fear health reform because what they have may be taken away. The majority would be satisfied even if the minority dies. We put our lives in the hands of corporations yet fear our own government. We are a nation that has lost its way.

Christ asked us: "Who is your neighbor?" We have answered: no one who costs us money. Our second television is more important than a child's smile whose pain has been relieved. We are so afraid of being cheated that we turn away all. Is it time to ask why in a nation of conspicuous consumption so many struggle to survive?

We are a self-centered nation. Our goal is wealth. Our God has become the golden idol of gratification. We pay those who defend our nation, but not enough. We would rather have the money go to private mercenaries with exorbitant fees because this is free enterprise, not government. Our corporations look only at the bottom line, not the worker at the bottom.

We must remember that we are the Samaritan, that we are our brother's keeper, and that we are judged by how well we treat the least of those among us.

Photo by marissas23

Lieberman is a Putz

Senator Lieberman thinks we should go slow on health care reform, wait until the economy recovers before we enact expensive programs. He sees no need for immediate action.

I will translate: There are a lot of working poor who don't have insurance. It would be expensive to cover them. If we wait, we will save money because we won't help them pay for health insurance, and many of them will die without health insurance and never need to be covered.

Health rationing is real and has real consequences. I know. See my story.

His remarks can be read here along with an interesting analysis.

Health Rationing

Let's talk health rationing. That is how conservatives are trying to scare the public about health reform. What the conservatives neglect to mention is the health rationing that they approve of, the system we have now.

The system we have now rations on the ability to pay. I am a perfect example. I have several pre-existing conditions that keep me from getting health insurance except in the state health risk pool. There I pay $807/mo for a policy that has a $2500 deductible and a separate $3000 co-pay. The result is all I have is catastrophic coverage. Oh, I have a low income thanks to the economic down turn.

My insurance has another fabulous provision. If you try to commit suicide, there is no coverage. That means if you survive your suicide attempt, then you are left with all the medical charges: ambulance, emergency room, etc. So when you return home, you are inundated by bill collectors. If you weren't depressed to start with, you will be afterward. I think the insurance pool is telling you not to attempt suicide, but just do it right and die.

Back to rationing. I have a bad knee right now. I actually pushed something solid back into place under the knee cap a couple of weeks ago. I have no money, so I cannot go to the doctor because I can't pay for an office visit and X-rays. The pain has been so bad that it makes me nauseous. Luckily, the knee is slowly improving. I just have to be sure not to bend it going up or down steps.

In addition to my knee pain, my blood pressure is dropping. I stopped taking one of my medications that lowers it. This has stabilized my blood pressure although occasionally it really drops. My heart rate is slowing, too. I should go to my doctor, but, guess what, no money. I will wait until I cannot function. I know from a previous diagnosis that there is a finite chance that the nerve from my brain to my heart is being compressed interrupting the signals to my heart. I certainly don't have money for tests or to see a neurologist. I struggle on hoping my finances improve to the point where I can seek medical care. No money, no medical care. This is rationing.

How many people are like me? How many have insurance that is almost worthless? How many have none? None of us can afford our system. The President of the AMA, J. James Rohack, agrees we have health care rationing now.

People without insurance and those like me plug along until we land in the emergency room or dead. You'll ask why do I bother with insurance? Because the insurance company has negotiated a lower pay rate with doctors and hospitals, so I pay much less than I would without insurance. Of course, when you are broke most of the time, you can't do much.

This system does have an advantage for Republics. Lower income voters tend to vote Democratic. A system that supplies less medical care to the poor and low income increases their death rate. This removes these people and their votes for Democrats. No wonder Republics want to maintain the status quo.

Photo by soopahgrover

Walking the Black Dog

I have been "walking the black dog" lately. I am broke, my health is going and I see nothing better ahead. This world has no place for people without money.

I have made so many mistakes that I guess I deserve this bleak future. I never worried before because I always believed God would take care of me. Now, I fear that he does not care for the individual, only for his grand plan. Our reward must be in heaven then, not here.

Somehow, I think that there should be help for the individual. I learned when I faced our city council though that government doesn't care for the rights of the individual. I was told that directly by numerous city council assistants.

Who do we matter to, then?

Not friends. They are all afraid I will ask them for money. Not family. No one even pays attention to whether I am dead or alive. Not my church. You must have money even to attend a senior activity. It is a sin to be in need, not successful.

To God, who does not answer? I just don't understand anymore.

Ethics of Dying: Living Will

In Texas, a living will is a "Directive to Physicians and Family or Surrogates" and allows you to put in legal form your end of life decisions. The Directive divides end of life decisions into two categories, one if you are facing eminent death and the other if you are in a persistent vegetative state. No matter where you live, you need to consider these two categories.

What kind of medical treatment do you want if you have a very limited time to live? Do you opt for comfort? Do you choose a last ditch effort at treatment to prolong your life? There is no correct answer. While I would choose comfort and not a life prolonging treatment because I am a Christian and convinced that death is a door to better existence, I do not believe that should be everyone's choice. I fear that too often societal pressures make it seem that we are misusing resources and somehow wrong to fight for every minute of life. I believe this becomes more prevalent as we age, but quality of life, not age, should be the deciding factor. For this reason, I think you have to consider this choice long before you are enmeshed in medicine's clutches.

I know people who have advanced directives that make it clear that they wish to stay alive at all costs. Others I know do not want hospice. However, I believe the vast majority of people who bother to execute a living will do so because they do not want their life prolonged by artificial means including artificial nutrition and artificial hydration. I find that in the absence of a living will or other clear direction, most families opt for all life prolonging measures.

More difficult for me is to decide what you want done if you are in a persistent vegetative state. As I understand this state, you are never expected to regain consciousness, but you will not die if you are given artificial nutrition and artificial hydration and personal care. This is difficult because here we confront the imperfections of science. In extreme cases, there is no doubt that the person will never recover, but we all know cases where there has been a seemingly miraculous recovery. My choice would be no artificial nutrition and no artificial hydration: let me die. I do not think that is the correct choice for everyone. Only an individual can make that choice for themselves. In the absence of a directive or other clear directions, every effort should be made to keep someone in a vegetative state alive. Again, make your wishes known in a living will.