My Life

Recently in an exchange on Facebook, a self-identified conservative told me "your life sucks."  This was his comment after I explained my current predicament.  As bad as many aspects of my life are, my life does not suck. I will explain why I can say that.

First my current predicament.  My blood pressure has been dropping steadily over the last two years.  This should be a good thing since I have had hypertension for a number of years.  Until recently I had to take three different medications to control my hypertension.  Now, I only need to take one.  The problem: my family doctor does not know why my blood pressure has improved.  He wants me to see my cardiologist.

In my discussion with my doctor, neither of us mention the potential danger lurking in my brain.  I have a nerve being compressed by something.  Best guess is that a small blood vessel is pressing on the nerve.  The problem is the nerve being compressed is next to the nerve that controls my heart beat.  If the nerve to my heart should be compressed my heart rate might slow or my heart might stop.  I have had the condition about seven years, so have grown less concerned with each passing year.  But my heart rate has dropped and I don't think it is because I am in better condition.  I see a neurologist once a year.  He saw nothing alarming, so maybe this is all a false alarm.

I have tried to convince myself of that because I cannot afford to go to the cardiologist.  My business has been very slow and I am barely making enough to live on.  Ramen noodles are always a way to survive. I have insurance but I must pay $5500 before it will pay.  I pay $837/mo for this insurance.  Why? I had a bone disease as a child - a preexisting condition.  I have also added rheumatoid arthritis, asthma, and diabetes to the mix.  Nothing but the Texas High Risk Pool will touch me.

I could drop the insurance so I could afford to go to the cardiologist.  But if I need brain surgery to remove the pressure I would have no insurance to cover the surgery.  So, I have opted to muddle on and hope that I don't drop dead.

In saying why I support Obama's health care reform, I gave a sketch of my health care dilemma.  The answer I got back was your life sucks, but there are no good reasons for health reform.  I believe I can refute that, but not here.

What I replied to this conservative was that my life does not suck.  Seven years ago, I came to terms with having this thing in my head.  I embraced the Apostle Paul's statement.  "To live is Christ, to die is gain."

I try to act toward others as Christ would have me act and to live one day at a time.  I have failed miserably at times, notably a couple of years ago, when I tried to kill myself, but I do continue to try to believe "to live is Christ."  I know the Comforter is with me even though I do not feel his presence.  I do not struggle alone.

I have more successfully embraced "to die is gain," . I believe that God resurrects us in another world when we die, a world where there is no pain or sickness, only love and light.  Death is only a doorway into a universe of possibility. That is where I long to be.  My life does not suck because I know there is more to come.  Far better to come.

Like Paul I desire to depart the body and be with God.  Yet, I know that God desires me here.  Why?  I don't know.  But I know I must follow God's command.  As long as I believe that, my life has purpose, and I can face another day.

Photo by dr.knitter

Health Rationing

Let's talk health rationing. That is how conservatives are trying to scare the public about health reform. What the conservatives neglect to mention is the health rationing that they approve of, the system we have now.

The system we have now rations on the ability to pay. I am a perfect example. I have several pre-existing conditions that keep me from getting health insurance except in the state health risk pool. There I pay $807/mo for a policy that has a $2500 deductible and a separate $3000 co-pay. The result is all I have is catastrophic coverage. Oh, I have a low income thanks to the economic down turn.

My insurance has another fabulous provision. If you try to commit suicide, there is no coverage. That means if you survive your suicide attempt, then you are left with all the medical charges: ambulance, emergency room, etc. So when you return home, you are inundated by bill collectors. If you weren't depressed to start with, you will be afterward. I think the insurance pool is telling you not to attempt suicide, but just do it right and die.

Back to rationing. I have a bad knee right now. I actually pushed something solid back into place under the knee cap a couple of weeks ago. I have no money, so I cannot go to the doctor because I can't pay for an office visit and X-rays. The pain has been so bad that it makes me nauseous. Luckily, the knee is slowly improving. I just have to be sure not to bend it going up or down steps.

In addition to my knee pain, my blood pressure is dropping. I stopped taking one of my medications that lowers it. This has stabilized my blood pressure although occasionally it really drops. My heart rate is slowing, too. I should go to my doctor, but, guess what, no money. I will wait until I cannot function. I know from a previous diagnosis that there is a finite chance that the nerve from my brain to my heart is being compressed interrupting the signals to my heart. I certainly don't have money for tests or to see a neurologist. I struggle on hoping my finances improve to the point where I can seek medical care. No money, no medical care. This is rationing.

How many people are like me? How many have insurance that is almost worthless? How many have none? None of us can afford our system. The President of the AMA, J. James Rohack, agrees we have health care rationing now.

People without insurance and those like me plug along until we land in the emergency room or dead. You'll ask why do I bother with insurance? Because the insurance company has negotiated a lower pay rate with doctors and hospitals, so I pay much less than I would without insurance. Of course, when you are broke most of the time, you can't do much.

This system does have an advantage for Republics. Lower income voters tend to vote Democratic. A system that supplies less medical care to the poor and low income increases their death rate. This removes these people and their votes for Democrats. No wonder Republics want to maintain the status quo.

Photo by soopahgrover

"Study Finds Cancer Diagnostics Linked to Insurance"

A study (above title is link to NYTimes article) has shown that people without insurance or with only Medicaid are diagnosed with cancer later than people with good health insurance. This results in more cancer deaths in those covered by Medicaid. As I have noted before here, I believe this is the system desired by business and the Republican controlled government. What better way to remove people who are not productive than to let them die because of poor medical care. This also reduces the cost of care for these people because they do not live long enough to use as much care as they would if diagnosed early. All in all, a very good way to winnow the population.