Sunday, September 26, 2010

The Failure of Education

The  pundits have been holding forth on the problems with our education system.  All can see the problems and all have solutions.  Yet, none mention what has really over taken our system and why K-12 education is failing so many.  The problem: the least educated and prepared go into teaching in large numbers.  Schools of Education now turn out abysmally educated teachers.  Many of these teachers are well-meaning and sincerely interested in teaching, but they have neither the skills nor the intellect to cope with the current system.  This is not their fault nor the fault of college teaching courses. Yes, there are still many brilliant and dedicated teachers but their numbers are dwarfed by those not as talented or as dedicated.

The education system we have was designed and came into being when teaching was one of the few professions women could enter.  The very brightest found that the only use they could make of their college degrees was to teach.  Most of my female high school teachers had advanced degrees in the subject they taught.  I planned to become a teacher myself until I reached high school and began to read science fiction, then I decided I would become a nuclear physicist like my heroes/heroines in science fiction. I had school counselors tell me this was a foolish idea, that I needed to be sensible. I was undeterred and did go on to receive and advanced degree. I did not become a physicist although I took advance physics courses and did well. No, my Ph.D. is in analytical chemistry.  Often I was the only woman in the advanced mathematics classes.  I had one chemistry professor tell me I was his best thermodynamics student ever, but he did not want a woman in his lab.  That was okay with me, I didn't like his research field. I went on to have a career in environmental science.  The only teaching I have done is in college.  While few women chose science, many women of my age chose fields of study that gave them careers outside of teaching.  The change had begun.

In the years that followed women flooded the professional schools and non-education oriented careers.  Women who once would have become teachers now found other vocations. No longer did the best and brightest of women become teachers, now those who avoided specific academic degrees and studied only education became teachers.  In too many schools, these were women who did not intend to make teaching a career, but only saw college as a chance to meet their future husband.  They could not foresee that they would work most of their lives.  I saw this happen in my time in college.

A good friend of mine roomed briefly in a commercial dorm because her parents had to move suddenly and that was all they could find. (She had been living at home.)  She was also a science major, and those years as young women pursuing a science degree made us close friends.  (One physics class consisted of 150 men and the two of us.)  Anyway, her roommates and suite mates were all female education members.  They never studied.  I reached this conclusion from personal observation and from their own statements.  These young women did not understand why my friend and I spent hours in the library studying.  Their attitude proved such a problem that my friend was move to a suite where she was the sole occupant because no other female student wanted to be bound by her requests to not party when she needed to study for an exam.  The next year she found a room to rent in a retired woman professor's house.  Her commercial dorm had a nickname: the rabbit hutch because so many young women became pregnant and had to marry. These were the women of my generation that went on to teach.  I know that not all teachers of that time had this history because I have known some, particularly women with advanced chemistry degrees that went on to teach chemistry in high school.   Nevertheless, most of the women who were education majors were not interested in academics or really developing their skills as teachers.

After my time, the flood of women into the business world and the professions increased.  The best and brightest chose fields where their brains and drive would be rewarded financially something teaching never did.  Slowly, the female teachers that had entered the profession when it was one of the few places for educated women retired.  As they did, the quality of teaching overall declined.  Now we are reaping what we sowed.  We underpaid teachers for years because there was an educated group (women with college degrees) with limited opportunities who desperately needed the jobs.  The few men in teaching became administrators whether they were capable or not based solely on their maleness.  Their salaries have greatly increased over the years, disproportionately to teachers' salaries.  So incompetent men ran a system that failed to reward competent women.  Now the system is collapsing.

Teachers are being blamed, but little is said about the competence of administrators.  Coaches still become administrators while excellent teachers are not rewarded.  Teachers salaries are low, administrators are not.  Class sizes are too large and technology is often absent from the classroom.  None of this would matter if women were still forced into teaching.  Teaching has too often been a consolation prize for those with education degrees.  That must change.

Teaching needs to be seen as a profession equal to that of doctors and lawyers.  The only way to achieve this is too require every teacher have an academic degree before they enter the school or college of education.   Teaching degrees must be graduate degrees and rewarded financially as such.  Education cannot remain the scorned college degree.  Women are no longer trapped.  Schools need to be freed also from a system that never recognized the importance and talent of women.  Money will ultimately be the issue.  School system need to become independent of local funding and be funded at the state or even federal level.  School systems must be run just as college systems are.  Private school systems must be free to compete with public institutions.  Money must come not only from government but also from endowments.  Parents must be required to pay or work for the school systems.  Extensive scholarships for the poor must be available.  Change must come.

Photo by kevindooley

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Barack Obama: Closeted Non-Believer?


The title of this entry comes from a Huffington Post blog by Ali R. Rizvi.  To read it click on the title. I do not agree with the author. I believe President Obama is a man of faith and I do believe that matters.  I take President Barack Obama at his word; he is a Christian.

His 2004 interview about his faith is being used by fundamentalists and evangelicals to discredit his beliefs.  President Obama did not use code words such as "born-again" and "the Bible is the Word of God."  His failure to use the code and familiar references means that fundamentalists and evangelicals do not believe he is one of them, a Christian.

The problem, of course, is that President Obama is neither a fundamentalist nor an evangelical Christian.  Just as I am not one, even though  I was baptized in a Southern Baptist Church and am an ordained deacon in a church affiliated with the Southern Baptist Convention.  Neither of us approaches faith from the believe it or leave it approach. Neither are we non-believers.

In President Obama's 2004 interview, I recognize an intellectual approach to Christianity that is scorned by fundamentalist Christians.  I grew up in a traditional Southern Baptist Church and was baptized at the age of 11.  I believe that I committed as much as I could at that time to Jesus Christ.  At 13, I left, pushed out by the refusal of adults to answer questions and my mother's insanity.  When Mom had her first psychotic break, the church blamed her and did not reach out to help.  Former church friends disappeared.  The minister did not visit.  The church made her insanity my mother's fault.  I would come to learn that Mom was schizophrenic, not exactly something she could prevent.  I returned to the church at the age of 28.  In those years between, I studied many faiths and through the writings of C.S. Lewis, Dorothy Sayers, and others found the intellectual basis for my faith and in the church the community of Christians I needed.

I found that Christianity is as much an intellectual challenge as one of faith.  Fundamentalists make all the issues depend on the Bible.  Yet, fundamentalists tell you that your personal relationship with Christ is all important.  That personal relationship is key for me.  Because I am over-educated, I approached my search for faith from an intellectual viewpoint.  I wanted questions answered, not brushed off.  I found that my questions were often answered with another question, but they were never brushed off.  Great minds have struggled with the meaning of Christianity for two thousand years. That does not mean I believe that an intellectual approach is the only way to true faith.  I believe there are many approaches to faith, all valid.

Baptist believe in the priesthood of the believer which means we can each have a direct relationship with God.  We do not need a minister or priest to intercede with or to bring us to God.  I fully embrace that philosophy.  I may not have all the answers, just as President Obama does not supply pat answers about his faith, but I know that God is real.  That his truest representation is in Jesus Christ. That I can have a personal relationship with God.   I know the God I worship is Love in its purest sense.  Love that does not care what you call her.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

I Am Not A Democrat

Too many people think I am a Democrat because I espouse a liberal viewpoint and voted for Barack Obama.  At one time I was a Democrat. I stopped because of the spineless antics of the Texas Democratic Party and the pervasive influence of powerful business interests in the national party.

I consider myself an Independent.  In my youth, I voted for Ramsey Muniz of La Raza for Governor of Texas.  I still regret that I voted for Richard Nixon instead of George McGovern.  I have voted for the occasional Libertarian but would never vote for Ron Paul although I admire him for his statement on the mosque in New York. 

We need a government that works for the ordinary citizen instead of wealth and business.  I spent some years working for the state of Texas.  I know that state workers try their best to serve the public but that upper management is too often afraid of its own shadow or else in league with those they regulate.  For example, I believe that Texas' environmental agency's primary purpose is to protect Texas business from the federal Environmental Protection Agency.

I had hoped that Barack Obama would accomplish great things as President.  He tried.  An intransigent Republic party and cowardly Democrats have reduced his chance for change.  I do believe he compromised to much and gave up too much especially in health care reform.  Health care reform was crippled by the desire for a few Repub votes.  Same with the stimulus.  We would not be facing a possible double dip if enough funding had been voted in the first round.  Instead Repub tax cuts were added.  See where that got us. 

I am not a Democrat.  I may participate in a precinct meeting or even a county meeting, but beyond that I will not participate in the Democratic Party.  The day that the Democratic Party cuts its ties with big business, purges the conservatives that cripple any progressive legislation and develops a coherent opposition to the Repubs, is the day I become a Democrat.  I won't hold my breath.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

The Mosque near Ground Zero in New York City

Photo by Shazron

People continue to demonstrate against the community center with a mosque inside being built.  The polls say that the majority oppose this community center because it is too close to where the twin towers once stood.  Of course, the new building will not be visible from where the twin towers block.  Politicians have come out for and against.

Why is this happening?  People are frustrated with what is going on in their lives.  Many fear the changes in this country as a more urban, less white group of leaders begin to take over.  Many have felt the monetary effects of the recession.  Savings have been lost.  Retirement set back or put off indefinitely.  There is real fear that a middle class way of life is being taken away from the majority of Americans.  People who are afraid need to feel they still have power.  One way to feel power is to focus on another group to denigrate and feel superior to.  Muslims are the group that has received that focus.

Leaders in some Christian venues have fanned the fear into hatred of Muslims.  All Muslims have been made a threat to Christianity.  Regularly, emails circulate through churches containing diatribes against Muslims and creating the vision of Muslims as being two-faced, polite to us on one hand and plotting our demise on the other. The message is that it is either or.  Christianity must defeat Islam or fall.

Republicans have also played a part in this, fanning the flames of hatred and coming out against the mosque and the man trying to build the community center.  They have even toyed with the issue of our President's faith.  In the hysteria of the moment some Americans believe the President is Muslim not Christian.  An interview he did in 2004 is circulating through the faith community trying to fan that belief.  How?   In the interview, then State Senator Obama does not use the code words of faith that evangelicals would use.  His answers reflect a more intellectual approach to faith, but a very strong faith.  Those lack of code words will convince some that he is not a Christian.  How sad.

My question:  Why does it matter what faith he is as long as he upholds his oath of office?

If it does matter, then we are not a tolerant nation.  A Muslim is as much a person of faith as a Christian.  Christian, Muslim, Jew all worship the God of Abraham.  Even this may be too much.  Shouldn't an atheist be able to be President?  I would say yes as long as we have a very clear knowledge of his value system.  Will an atheist ever be President?  I doubt it.  To be elected a person will have to have at least nominal faith.

Christians need to reflect on our heritage.  Jesus said to "Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those that mistreat you."  He summed it up:  "Do to others as you would have them do to you."  Denying someone their place to worship is not fulfilling the Golden Rule.

The United States was not designed to allow majority rule.  The United States was designed to protect the minority from the tyranny of the majority.  We need to act under that premise.  The community center with the mosque must be built.

                                                 

Monday, August 16, 2010

Cordoba

Cordoba is a city in Spain that was the capital of Islam in Europe in the 11th Century.  The new community center/mosque will be named Cordoba House.  Conservatives have said this is a way for Muslims to assert power by naming the center after the seat of power in Muslim Europe.  Eleventh century Cordoba had another legacy and one by which it is still known today. That legacy was one of peace where adherents to the three great religions of Europe met, Islam, Christianity, and Judaism. These followers of the great monotheistic faiths found they could live in close proximity to one another and still practice their own faiths.  Tolerance reigned.  What better to name a project aimed at bringing people together than Cordoba.  The community center will be open to all who are in New York.

In many ways the United States is a larger scale Cordoba.  People of many faiths live, work and play in this country.  The government does not interfere with an individual's practice of their faith nor should it.  Peace is the rule not the exception.

Now some people do not want a mosque 2 blocks from ground zero.  I believe they are wrong, but I believe they have the right to state their opinions and try all legal means to stop the mosque from being built.  The opponents do tend to ignore the fact that Muslim congregants have been worshiping in the current building at the site.  Conservatives, to their dishonor, have turned it into a political issue.  Even that is allowed under our Constitution. What is absolutely wrong is for government  (local, state, or federal) to take any action to stop the mosque from being there.  Equally wrong would be to aid the construction of the mosque. Government must take a hands-off approach.

As I mentioned in a previous blog we cannot forget all the Muslims that died in the twin towers.  Why not see the mosque as being in their honor?

I am a Baptist,  We have our own history of being persecuted.  Why do we forget?  The Christian majority must protect the rights of the few.  We should honor the Muslims, Jews and Christians that made peace in Cordoba so long ago.  Will we throw away their achievement and our heritage for hate's sake?

The Garden in August


My garden is almost gone for this summer.  The heat of days with temperatures over 100 has killed what survived the earlier humidity.  One tomato in a giant pot survives.  Two others planted in a hanging basket are still alive, but are only now starting to grow.  I did not plant okra this year which is the reliable August crop.  The question now is whether I put in a fall garden.   If so, I must start soon.  If we get a soaking rain soon, I think I will.

I have begun cleaning the garden, but where I have not watered the ground is rock hard.  Yes, I have been adding compost, but there are still many areas that contain mainly sandy concrete that turns to quicksand when wet,

The elm in front continues to drop giant branches.  I think the tree, which is twenty feet tall, will be the last casualty of 2009's brutal summer. Should I have it trimmed back now or see what survives?

The cacti and succulent garden is doing well.  My native salvia is spreading; the prickly pear cactus has grown new pads, and the cereus has taken root.  The sanseveria that froze to the ground in the odd freeze we experienced has put up new shoots.  Even the bits of kalanchoe that fell off a pot plant have taken root.

I will soon be potting sanseveria that I have had rooting in water.  I need to add some catnip in pots, but I think I will wait until next spring.  Maybe I will  plant some rain lilies under the birdbath. Maybe.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Health Insurance an Illusion


When health reform passed, I thought I might have a chance to visit a doctor when I needed to.  Not so.  I am still stuck in the Texas Health Insurance Risk Pool.  My premium keeps going up.  I could not pay my premium this month.  Unless I come up with two months coverage by the end of the month, I cannot continue to have health insurance.  I have a steady income of $1100/mo.  My health insurance premium takes more than half.  I have very little left to live on.

I cannot transfer to the federal program because I am in the Texas program.  If I go without insurance for 6 months then I can apply for the federal insurance.  I do not know what to do.

If the Repubs do not repeal health insurance reform, then in a few years I will be able to obtain health insurance.  Of course, the odds are not on my side that I will live that long..  I have avoided going to my cardiologist even though my primary physician says I should see her.  I don't have the money and the health insurance I have for the moment has a $2500 deductible I have not met and won't meet unless I am hospitalized.  Hospitalization becomes more likely if I don't see the cardiologist.  Isn't life fun?

Delaying implementation of health insurance reform may have been necessary, but how many will die because of the delay?  No one cares.

The United States has hardened its heart.  The Repubs blame the poor and the unemployed for their plights.  Remember all the Repubs that said unemployment insurance only encourages the unemployed not to work. What does it matter that there are often hundreds of applicants for every job.  Keep them destitute and some will volunteer for the military.  That's how to increase recruitment.  The pulpits of the fundamentalist churches characterize poverty unless caused by illness or injury, as a sin.  After all, if you give to the church it will be multiplied and returned to you, they preach.  Wealth is a sign of God's approval.

We are not a Christian nation.  We are a selfish nation.  We concentrate on the accumulation of personal wealth.  We ignore the neighbor next door eating ramen. God does not bestow riches because we give to a church, synagogue or mosque.  God bestows his riches when we follow his example and care for those around us.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Estimates of Religious Populations Require a Bit of Faith - WSJ.com


Americans are obsessed with counting noses, but our census does not survey religious affiliation. We are left with a variety of counts some accurate, some speculation.  If you click on the title of this entry you will go to the Wall Street Journal article on the subject.  The illustration above comes from the same article.

Despite right-wing rhetoric on the threats to Christianity in this country, Christianity remains the dominant faith in the United States.  Protestants form the majority among Christians. Evangelical Baptists the majority among Protestants.  I find it hard to believe that the small minority can suppress such a large majority.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Keeping faith, losing religion - Leonard Pitts Jr. - MiamiHerald.com


Ann Rice started this by saying she was leaving Christianity, not Christ. Leonard Pitts echoes her concerns in the title document. What I say is that the media and popular culture have defined Christianity as something very unpalatable. To read Leonard Pitts article, click on the title of this entry.

Mainstream Christianity does not have a voice on cable news or commentary. The only views given are those of the far right, a very mean-spirited, dying branch of Christianity. That many Christians find solace in so-called grace churches is ignored by media and politicians. Others follow different paths to an on-going relationship with God. Some still attend old-line churches whose messages of love and care for your fellow man echo through the ages. Others do find their path to God is a solitary one. I don't think God cares what brand of Christianity we choose  as long as we seek him and remember that the Creator is the great I AM, Jesus is God in Action, and that which binds Creator to Son is Love (sometimes called the Holy Spirit.  The Supreme Being I worship defines himself as "I AM Love in Action."

Some of the lack of diversity in the media is the result of a clever ploy by the Republican party to co-opt Christianity as a branch of the Republican party. Republicans did hoodwink the right-wing, anti-abortion crowd by putting anti-abortion in their party platform. These "Christians" are so focused on the single issue of abortion that they have ignored the other positions of the GOP that can only be characterized as hostile to the precepts of Christianity. Remember the parable of the sheep and the goats,Matthew 25:31-46 "whatever you did for the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me". The GOP characterizes "the least of these" as malingers, lazy bums, parasites, and generally scum that does not deserve to be helped. The success of the Republican party is only partly due to their own cleverness, most is due to the failure of mainstream Christianity to engage the right. Just as Muslims have been identified with their fringe, so have Christians.

My goal is to make it clear that the followers of Jesus of Nazareth form a vast church outside the confines of hierarchies, buildings and petty politics. Attendance is voluntary, but the closer to God you want to be, the more you must participate. Participation means reading the Bible, reading the works of great Christians and prayer. Yes, you do have to read the Bible, just not worship it. The writings of C.S. Lewis put me on the path to Christ as well as those of Dorothy Sayers and Thomas Merton.  I believe prayer is the key to knowing God - everything from your babble of problems and pain throughout the day to an always listening Creator to the deeply contemplative moments alone with the Comforter.  God is always near.

To both Ann Rice and Leonard Pitts I say,"Look around, churches come in all flavors. Find the one that nourishes you."  If none do, then seek God on your own. She is always there and always whispering "I am love in action."

Photo by Lel4nd

Thursday, July 29, 2010

President Obama on the View


President Obama was on the View today, July 29, 2010.  I have not watched the show in weeks because I find the celebrity interviews inane and a waste of my time.  The show is now heading into a month of reruns designed, I suppose, to bore more viewers.

The President's appearance was an intelligent diversion.  President Obama answered question articulately and with the appropriate amount of gravitas. Elizabeth, representing Republicans, asked some good questions despite the party line prefaces.  It is time the American people wake up and realize how much worse the economy would be if Republicans were in control.

Some commentators criticized the President for going on The View.  Why?  I believe there were two real reasons for the criticism that were not voiced. First the audience for this show is primarily women.  Saying that the President degrades the office by going on the show, says that this audience  should be ignored because they do not represent the class of voters the President should talk to.  Demographically, women are the majority.  They deserve to hear from their President.  Second, the women on The View are not journalists (except for Barbara Walters) How can they ask intelligent questions?    Most Americans are not journalists.  They deserve to have their questions answered.

Except for some silly current events questions that were a waste of time, most of the questions were appropriate  Everyday people deserve the President's time.  I say, "Good going, Mr. President."

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Struggling to Survive



I agree with Shirley Sherrod that the problems of American are not black or white, but that of have-nots and the prosperous.  As a country, we like to think of our nation of wealth.  We choose to ignore those that struggle on the fringes of our society.  Just as Republicans claimed that unemployment insurance payments are incentives to not to seek work and that most of the unemployed are just deadbeats, we believe those that cannot make it in our society are failures through their own doing.  We believe we owe such deadbeats very little.  We are so afraid that someone will game the system that we punish those who are poor all the more.  The great sin in America is to be poor.

In evangelical pulpits, the message is wealth.  If you obey God, tithe to the church, to the tel-evangelist, God will reward you.  No good Christian will be poor for long.  "You cannot out give God."   If that message is true, then it follows that the poor are sinners.  Sinners must be shown the error of their ways, not abetted.  Hence government programs that help the poor are simply something that enables sin.  Kill those programs and the poor will start to work, will cease to sin.  This is the underlying philosophy of  the religious wing of the Republican Party, the Huckabee wing.

Some in America claim we are a "Christian" nation.  I do not agree.  A Christian nation would remember Christ's teaching on caring for "the least of these brothers of mine."  This is the time for Christians to speak out.  Make this a "Caring" nation.  People of all faiths must come together to help those struggling to survive in our society.

Income and wealth are unevenly distributed in this nation, therefore we need action on the federal level to aid in the distribution of aid. I no longer believe that states are capable of caring for their disadvantaged.  This should be done on a federal level.  The tragedy of America is that it will not be done.  The Republicans have succeeded in striking fear in American hearts, fear of government, fear of losing what they have.  Americans will not help the least because that help might reduce their wealth, might mean that they have to share a small portion of their American dream.  We are not a "Christian" nation, we will not become a "Caring" nation, we are a "Selfish" nation and will remain so to our ultimate detriment.

Photo by Tobyotter

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Muslim Center Two Blocks from Ground Zero



 Controversy surrounds the possible construction of a mosque and Muslim community center two blocks from ground zero in New York.  The building standing there now was damaged by one of the engines from a jet that hit the World Trade Center towers.  To read some comments by Mayor Bloomberg click on the title of this blog.

People affected in different ways by the tragedy have spoken against the new structure.  Most, but not all, equating the worshipers that would attend services at the mosque with the radicals that claimed their acts of terror were done in fulfillment of their Islamic faith.  I have even received emails from friends in my church containing screeds against all Muslims and expressing the belief that the mosque is a Muslim plot to honor the bombers.


How easily we forget the excesses of our faith.  How many innocents were burned at the stake?  Tortured on the rack?  Endured unspeakable horrors inflicted by those that called themselves Christian?  Even today, some of my Baptist brethren will tell you Catholics are not Christians.  The more fervent the belief the farther we are willing to go, for example, abortion doctors killed by Christian zealots. 

Christians and Muslims are not so different.  The majority struggle to understand and follow the dictates of their faith in our everyday lives.  Only on the fringe do we find those who would distort the faith and kill in its name.  Murder is a sin in any faith.


The mosque and community center should be built.  Christians are admonished not to judge.  I think that scripture is particularly apt with applied to other faiths.  How dare we try to limit God and say he can be experienced only one way. While I believe Christianity is the clearest expression of God and humankind's relationship,  I do not believe Christianity is the only true revelation of God. Jesus spoke of other shepherds, surely some are Imams.


Finally, let me say that the mosque should be built because Muslims died on 9/11, and I am not referring to the hijackers.  Below is a partial list of Muslims that were killed that day from Ask.com.  Remember them when the mosque becomes reality.  Honor them. 

Partial List of Muslim Victims:
Note: This list is as yet incomplete and unconfirmed.  It has been compiled from the Islamic Circle of North America, the Newsday victims database, and reports from other major news organizations.  The victims' ages, employers, or other personal information is included when available, along with links to further information or photos.
Samad Afridi
Ashraf Ahmad
Shabbir Ahmad (45 years old; Windows on the World; leaves wife and 3 children)
Umar Ahmad
Azam Ahsan
Ahmed Ali
Tariq Amanullah (40 years old; Fiduciary Trust Co.; ICNA website team member; leaves wife and 2 children)
Touri Bolourchi (69 years old; United Airlines #175; a retired nurse from Tehran)
Salauddin Ahmad Chaudhury
Abdul K. Chowdhury (30 years old; Cantor Fitzgerald)
Mohammad S. Chowdhury (39 years old; Windows on the World; leaves wife and child born 2 days after the attack)
Jamal Legesse Desantis
Ramzi Attallah Douani (35 years old; Marsh & McLennan)
SaleemUllah Farooqi
Syed Fatha (54 years old; Pitney Bowes)
Osman Gani
Mohammad Hamdani (50 years old)
Salman Hamdani (NYPD Cadet)
Aisha Harris (21 years old; General Telecom)
Shakila Hoque (Marsh & McLennan)
Nabid Hossain
Shahzad Hussain
Talat Hussain
Mohammad Shah Jahan (Marsh & McLennan)
Yasmeen Jamal
Mohammed Jawarta (MAS security)
Arslan Khan Khakwani
Asim Khan
Ataullah Khan
Ayub Khan
Qasim Ali Khan
Sarah Khan (32 years old; Cantor Fitzgerald)
Taimour Khan (29 years old; Karr Futures)
Yasmeen Khan
Zahida Khan
Badruddin Lakhani
Omar Malick
Nurul Hoque Miah (36 years old)
Mubarak Mohammad (23 years old)
Boyie Mohammed (Carr Futures)
Raza Mujtaba
Omar Namoos
Mujeb Qazi
Tarranum Rahim
Ehtesham U. Raja (28 years old)
Ameenia Rasool (33 years old)
Naveed Rehman
Yusuf Saad
Rahma Salie & unborn child (28 years old; American Airlines #11; wife of Michael Theodoridis; 7 months pregnant)
Shoman Samad
Asad Samir
Khalid Shahid (25 years old; Cantor Fitzgerald; engaged to be married in November)
Mohammed Shajahan (44 years old; Marsh & McLennan)
Naseema Simjee (Franklin Resources Inc.'s Fiduciary Trust)
Jamil Swaati
Sanober Syed
Robert Elias Talhami (40 years old; Cantor Fitzgerald)
Michael Theodoridis (32 years old; American Airlines #11; husband of Rahma Salie)
W. Wahid 



Photo from andrewroman.net

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Race and Politics - Southern Style


In case some readers may not have noticed, the Republican national Southern strategy is in full swing.  The plan is to play on the fears of white people so they will vote Republican because African-Americans are Democrats and Democratic candidates..  Rachel Maddow did an excellent piece on this last night, but I think missed the salient point.  She spoke of the Republicans stirring the fears of whites about blacks.  I believe the issue is more narrowly aligned.  The fear that Republicans are conjuring is that of blacks taking political control, then behaving as whites did toward them.  Whites, especially white Southerners, remember how African-Americans were treated when whites had exclusive control.  Whites cannot comprehend that African-Americans might behave better than whites did simply because blacks understand their own self-interest necessitates it.  I expect that African-Americans in positions of power will act to further their ability to retain that power which will mean taking care of white and black concerns.  That does not mean that some African-Americans will not act badly.  The problem that confronts us is that blacks and whites really are the same: good, bad and indifferent.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Blue Toenails, Blue Fingernails

 I found a beautiful blue nail polish at a nearby drug store, Milani "Breezy".  I love blue, but had never had the nerve to wear it as a nail polish.  Michelle Obama changed that, so I  bought the nail polish.

I had seen a photograph of the First Lady wearing blue toenail polish for the Fourth of July: Obamas Back In DC, Ready To Party (PHOTOS)  Now my toenails and fingernails are coated with the shiny blue polish.

Michelle Obama is considerably younger than I, but she is mature woman.  Her fashion choice gave me permission not to act my age..  I have enjoyed the reaction to my blue nails..  My 86 year old aunt, a Republican, was a little put off.  My autistic cousin noticed the color right away and grinned.  I think he understands about being different.

I suggest that all of you that want to show support for the Obamas wear blue nail polish.  Why not?

Saturday, May 22, 2010

"a Christian land governed by Christian principles"



The Texas State Board of Education (SBOE) believes that students should be taught we are a Christian nation founded on Christian principles.  I am a Christian, but do not believe this.  We are nation founded by men who had a variety of beliefs.  Some were devout Christians, others questioners of orthodoxy.  What they most detested was the imposition of governmental directives on their faith.  They designed our Constitution to limit governmental power over religion.  Our founders also knew the danger of theocracy.  Many knew English and European history and knew what had resulted from church rule.  The Constitution was designed to keep us from becoming a theocracy.  The SBOE wants to change the meaning of the First Amendment to reflect their skewed view of reality.

Texans need to come together to protect the school children of Texas.  We need to insist that changes in textbooks are made by a panel of experts in that field, men and women with academic credentials, appointed by the Governor, Lieutenant Governor and Speaker of the House.  The experts recommendations need to be accepted on an up or down vote by the three officials.  No changes allowed.  If voted down, the experts would bring new recommendations.  There would be no issue by issue review.  Only the whole would be accepted or sent back for revision.

While political influence could be exerted, it would be wielded by two officials elected statewide and one elected by his peers in the House. Narrow ideologues would be less likely to be elected to the statewide offices or to be able to obtain a majority in the House.  I would rather take my chances with those three officials than with the SBOE.

The time has come to write our state representatives and tell them to put an end to this nonsense.  Texas does not need to be the laughing stock of the nation.  Change how education is done in Texas.  Do away with the SBOE.

Friday, March 19, 2010

My Life

Recently in an exchange on Facebook, a self-identified conservative told me "your life sucks."  This was his comment after I explained my current predicament.  As bad as many aspects of my life are, my life does not suck. I will explain why I can say that.

First my current predicament.  My blood pressure has been dropping steadily over the last two years.  This should be a good thing since I have had hypertension for a number of years.  Until recently I had to take three different medications to control my hypertension.  Now, I only need to take one.  The problem: my family doctor does not know why my blood pressure has improved.  He wants me to see my cardiologist.

In my discussion with my doctor, neither of us mention the potential danger lurking in my brain.  I have a nerve being compressed by something.  Best guess is that a small blood vessel is pressing on the nerve.  The problem is the nerve being compressed is next to the nerve that controls my heart beat.  If the nerve to my heart should be compressed my heart rate might slow or my heart might stop.  I have had the condition about seven years, so have grown less concerned with each passing year.  But my heart rate has dropped and I don't think it is because I am in better condition.  I see a neurologist once a year.  He saw nothing alarming, so maybe this is all a false alarm.

I have tried to convince myself of that because I cannot afford to go to the cardiologist.  My business has been very slow and I am barely making enough to live on.  Ramen noodles are always a way to survive. I have insurance but I must pay $5500 before it will pay.  I pay $837/mo for this insurance.  Why? I had a bone disease as a child - a preexisting condition.  I have also added rheumatoid arthritis, asthma, and diabetes to the mix.  Nothing but the Texas High Risk Pool will touch me.

I could drop the insurance so I could afford to go to the cardiologist.  But if I need brain surgery to remove the pressure I would have no insurance to cover the surgery.  So, I have opted to muddle on and hope that I don't drop dead.

In saying why I support Obama's health care reform, I gave a sketch of my health care dilemma.  The answer I got back was your life sucks, but there are no good reasons for health reform.  I believe I can refute that, but not here.

What I replied to this conservative was that my life does not suck.  Seven years ago, I came to terms with having this thing in my head.  I embraced the Apostle Paul's statement.  "To live is Christ, to die is gain."

I try to act toward others as Christ would have me act and to live one day at a time.  I have failed miserably at times, notably a couple of years ago, when I tried to kill myself, but I do continue to try to believe "to live is Christ."  I know the Comforter is with me even though I do not feel his presence.  I do not struggle alone.

I have more successfully embraced "to die is gain," . I believe that God resurrects us in another world when we die, a world where there is no pain or sickness, only love and light.  Death is only a doorway into a universe of possibility. That is where I long to be.  My life does not suck because I know there is more to come.  Far better to come.

Like Paul I desire to depart the body and be with God.  Yet, I know that God desires me here.  Why?  I don't know.  But I know I must follow God's command.  As long as I believe that, my life has purpose, and I can face another day.

Photo by dr.knitter

Monday, March 1, 2010

Proposition 5 on the March 2, 2010 Ballot

  The Texas Republican party has placed five propositions on their March 2, 2010, primary ballot.  These propositions are non-binding.  The propositions are not amendments to the Texas Constitution.

Ballot Proposition #5: Sonograms
The Texas Legislature should enact legislation requiring a sonogram to be performed and shown to each mother about to undergo a medically unnecessary, elective abortion.
YES or NO

Before I analyze this proposition, let me say that I do not believe in abortions except in extraordinary circumstances such as danger to the life of the mother.  However, I do not trust the government to make the judgment as to what is an extraordinary circumstance. I would rather leave it to the individual to choose.  There will be those who do not ponder their decision.  There are always those that abuse any system.  I believe our duty is to provide sufficient information and incentives, so that no abortions occur except in the most direconditions.  I agree with Bill Clinton that abortions should be "safe, legal, and rare."

There is the problem of vagueness.  What is a medically unnecessary abortion?  An elective abortion?  I think I know, but the terms should be more narrowly defined to avoid confusion.  A better drafted proposition would encourage positive response.


This proposition is designed to have the legislature put obstacles in the path of women seeking abortions.  The hope is (1) that seeing a sonogram will change a woman's mind and (2) the added  expense will keep some women from getting an abortion.  The first reason is totally valid.  The second punishes only the poor.

A proposition that discriminates on the basis of wealth has no place in America.  Poor women are entitled to the same rghts as wealthier women.  For that reason  I oppose this proposition.  I would support this proposistion if the sonogram were paid for by the state.


VOTE  NO ON PROPOSITION 5!

Photo by Daquella Manera

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Proposition 4 on the March 2, 2010 Ballot

  The Texas Republican party has placed five propositions on their March 2, 2010, primary ballot.  These propositions are non-binding.  The propositions are not amendments to the Texas Constitution.

Ballot Proposition #4: Public Acknowledgement (sic)of God
The use of the word “God”, prayers, and the Ten Commandments should be allowed at public gatherings and public educational institutions, as well as be permitted on government buildings and property.
YES or NO

Here we go again, planning to change national law with a proposition in the Republican primary, except this time the Texas Republican Party wants to amend the Constitution.  Remember the First Amendment?  Freedom of religion?  Two hundred years of Supreme Court decisions?  The audacity of this Proposition is breath-taking.  Texans should decide the freedom of religion issue for this whole nation. 

Texas Republicans want to use the word "God" at public gatherings.  I have listened to speeches in Congress and in the Texas legislature.  There is no absence of references to a Supreme Being.  Problems begin when we look at schools, government policy dictates, and other situations where the power of the state is used to demand adherence to one religious viewpoint. None of us want our children indoctrinated in another faith.  Why do we want to do it to others?

What happens if Muslims are the majority in a school district and want to use the word "Allah'? Or Buddhists?  Want your child to pray to Brahman? I doubt a Hindu wants their child to pray to God, either.  This is not a well-thought out proposition.

Any private person, student, or employee of government can pray at any time or any place.  Only when the prayer is made as an official act of government is it disallowed.  In Matthew 6:6, Christ said it was better to pray in private.  I think we should follow Christ's command.

Texans say let the majority have its way.  We are a democracy.  Wrong.  We are a democratic republic with a constitution designed to protect minorities.  The majority is not always correct.  Look at the history of civil rights. I would not negate our freedom of religion in order to make a public spectacle of prayer.

VOTE NO ON PROPOSITION 4!

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Proposition 3 on the March 2, 2010 Ballot

The Texas Republican party has placed five propositions on their March 2, 2010, primary ballot.  These propositions are non-binding.  The propositions are not amendments to the Texas Constitution.

Ballot Proposition #3: Cutting Federal Income Taxes
In addition to aggressively eliminating irresponsible federal spending, Congress should empower American citizens to stimulate the economy by Congress cutting federal income taxes for all federal taxpayers, rather than spending hundreds of billions of dollars on so-called “federal economic stimulus”.
YES or NO

Another badly written proposition that is so vague that it is open to any interpretation.  In addition, the proposition dictates the actions of Congress.  Note to Texans: you do not control the Congress of the United States.

What is the definition of "irresponsible federal spending ?"  Any spending that benefits another state?  Any spending that cares for the indigent elderly or mentally ill?  After all, Texas is working hard to be the state that spends the least on its elderly or mentally ill.  Why should other states or, heaven forbid, the federal government keep the elderly from sitting unattended in the hallways of nursing homes? I dare you to drop in on any Medicaid funded facility in Texas after supper.

The stimulus worked no matter how Repubs lie about it.  Could the plan have been better?.  Yes, if more money had been sent to direct job creation instead of tax cuts.  Yes, tax cuts.  The stimulus contained substanttal  tax cuts.  If tax cuts weren't good in the stimulus, why are they any good now?  Of course, we need to give the wealthy more tax cuts.  Life is so difficult if you make a million dollars. That was what Michael Steele, the chairman of the Republican party, .said


VOTE "NO" ON PROPOSITION THREE!

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Proposition 2 on the March 2, 2010 Ballot

The Texas Republican party has placed five propositions on their March 2, 2010, primary ballot.  These propositions are non-binding.  The propositions are not amendments to the Texas Constitution.

Ballot Proposition #2: Controlling Government Growth
Every government body in Texas should be required to limit any annual increase in its budget and spending to the combined increase of population and inflation unless it first gets voter approval to exceed the allowed annual growth or in the case of an official emergency.
YES or NO

This proposition is so vague that it has no meaning.  How do you measure increase in population?  There is an official census only once every ten years. I am sure that someone would disagree with the population increase chosen and sue to use the number they believe is correct.  What about inflation?  Is that a national inflation number or local?  Vague.  The exception is big enough to swallow the whole proposition "in the case of an official emergency."  What is "an official emergency?"  I suspect it would be whatever the government body says "an official emergency" is.  The whole proposition is pointless.

VOTE "NO" ON PROPOSITION TWO!

Photo by Annie Mole

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Proposition 1 on the March 2, 2010 Ballot

The Texas Republican party has placed five propositions on their March 2, 2010, primary ballot.  These propositions are non-binding.  The propositions are not amendments to the Texas Constitution.

The first proposition is as follows:
Ballot Proposition #1: Photo ID
The Texas legislature should make it a priority to protect the integrity of our election process by enacting legislation that requires voters to provide valid photo identification in order to cast a ballot in any and all elections conducted in the State of Texas.
YES or NO

I wrote about this previously in this blog when the legislature considered making people get a photo ID to vote.  See Could Jesus Vote in Texas?   

A Brown University study cataloged the negative effects of the introduction of photo ID's. The following is the last paragraph in their study.
"In 2004, despite higher white registration levels in voter ID states, the net effect was a substantial reduction in voter turnout. The reduction cut across racial and ethnic lines, but disproportionately affected blacks and Hispanics. It also disproportionately diminished electoral participation by citizens with lower income and education, tenants, and people who move more frequently. These groups already stand out for lower participation, and voter ID has the consequence of further reducing their engagement with the electoral system. In our view the selectivity of these suppressive impacts is their most objectionable feature. But even aside from placing a greater burden on some groups than on others, this is a policy that has not been shown to have any benefits. If reversing this policy in the 20 states that implemented it in 2004 could have increased overall turnout by registered voters by 1.6 million — from a rate of 67.7% to 70.3% — that is a strong argument in itself."
 The Texas Attorney has spent $1.4 million in 2 years to find 26 cases of voter fraud. He uncovered no grand fraud schemes.  Most of these cases involved technical infractions where someone carried a properly marked mail-in ballot to the mailbox for elderly people.  What a dastardly crime!   I suppose Attorney General Abbott will prosecute me if I take my 85 year old aunt's sealed ballot to the mailbox in her apartment complex.  That is what we are talking about.  In addition, Abbott only prosecutes Democrats by the way.  He ignores Republican misteps.

If you vote for Proposition 1, you are voting for suppression.  This proposition is designed to elicit a yes vote that will be used to further the Republican position on voter suppression.  Republicans know that those most affected are the elderly, the disabled, and minorities; people most likely to vote Democratic.  Anything that can be done to reduce their numbers aids Republican candidates.

Let's recall Texas sad history of voter suppression.  It was called the poll tax and was designed to suppress the black vote.  Obviously, the desire to suppress the vote of non-whites still exists.  The tea-baggers have openly called for literacy tests.  Tests used in the South to keep blacks from voting.  I expect Republicans to embrace that position.


I go into detail how needing a photo ID discourages the least among us from voting in my article Could Jesus Vote in Texas?

I will paraphrase Jesus. "I tell you the truth. You kept the least of these from voting, so you kept me from voting.."

VOTE "NO" ON PROPOSITION ONE!










Tuesday, February 16, 2010

DNA Detective Work Sheds Light on King Tut's Life, Lineage, Death - AOL News


The article, DNA Detective Work Sheds Light on King Tut's Life, Lineage, Death - AOL News, hit me hard.because I have suffered from the same bone disease he had, avascular necrosis.  My bones die unexpectedly, just as his did.  Maybe I am related to King Tut.

I have lost most of my right ankle bone and have had my left femur replaced because of necrosis.  I can tell you that the pain is intense and the crippling profound.  Tut may have been lucky to die young because without modern medicine his bones would have continued to die leaving him more and more disabled.

Before my hip replacement my left leg had lost more than a half inch in length,  My last request to my surgeon was "Make my legs the same length."  He did.

My problem is not related to inbreeding.  My mother and father were from different states and different ancestries.  I know my genealogy on both sides and their were no family intermarriage.  I have no ancestors to blame.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Conservative Views Shaped By Fear

           Nicholas Kristof
In an Op-ed piece published February 13, 2010 in the New York Times, Nicholas Kristof delves into research that indicates conservatives are more fearful than liberals, that spankers are more fearful than parents that choose time-out, and hence those that support the National Rifle Association are more skittish than those in favor of control.  How wonderful.

Conservative Christians who like to paint God as judgmental may do so because they fear God more easily than those who see God as love. Fear makes conservative Christians think that God is after them.  If God is after them who are trying so hard to follow his rules, how much more must God be after those who interpret God's rules less dogmatically.

Conservative Christians see interpreting the Bible in anyway, but literally (dictated by God) as a chink in their wall of belief.  Conservatives are hard-wired to be afraid that their whole system of belief could collapse at any moment.  More liberal Christians are hard wired to be more laid-back. Liberals understand that the Bible was written by fallible human beings and must be viewed through the lens of history. No wonder there is conflict.

Liberals need to deal with conservatives as fearful children.  Conservatives must be convinced that those with other views can keep them safe.  The logic of an argument does not matter.  The argument must instead convince the conservatives that its goal is safety.

Photo by Fred R. Conrad/The New York Times

Friday, February 5, 2010

Barry, Barack and Barak


On February 4, 2010, on his radio show, Glenn Beck went after the President for abandoning the first name he had been using, Barry, for the more formal Barack:
"He chose to use his name, Barack, for a reason. To identify, not with America -- you don't take the name Barack to identify with America. You take the name Barack to identify with what? Your heritage? The heritage, maybe, of your father in Kenya, who is a radical? Is -- really? Searching for something to give him any kind of meaning, just as he was searching later in life for religion."
I remember many of my male friends changing their names when they entered college.  Bobby became Bob, Billy became Bill, Jeffy became Jeff, Andy became Andrew, another Billy became Will, and another Bobby became Robert.  I am sure President Obama had a more sophisticated explanation, but I think he was simply participating in a male rite of passage that had no sinister overtones.  President Obama was simply exchanging what he viewed as a child's name for an adult's name.

Did Glenn Beck have so few friends that he never encountered these name changes?  I doubt that.  No, Mr. Beck found another way to make our President one of "them," where "they" are not like us.  That is the key he uses to feed his audience's fears.  Our instinct is to fear the unknown.  Characterize the President as an unknown, a different, make people fear him.  Glenn Beck is an expert at fear-mongering.

But is Barack that strange a name?

Not to anyone who has read the Old Testament.  In the book of Judges,  we meet Deborah, a married woman, a judge and prophetess, and Barak, a military leader.  Barak hesitated to lead his army against the Canaanites. Deborah challenged him to follow God's will. With her by his side, Barak led his army against the Canaanites and conquered.  In time, Barak became a judge, too.

I am happy to have a man named Barack (Barak) as President of the United States.  Perhaps, this Barack has been chosen by God to lead just as the Barak of Judges was chosen to lead in war and in peace.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Bridges in the Past

I'm in the memoir mood. When I turned sixteen,  I learned to drive and became the only driver in the family.  My mother bought a car for me with the understanding that I was obligated to be the chauffeur for both grandmothers and her.

So one spring day, I drove both my grandmothers to visit my maternal grandmother's aunt.  My great aunt Margaret was the same age as my maternal grandmother.  The two had grown up together and been close companions.. My aunt( we never bothered with great) lived in a rural area in Caldwell County. In those days the roads were unpaved but coated with a gravel and clay mixture.  The less used stretches were covered with grass and weeds.  My aunt lived on one of those dusty tracks.

Once together, the three women (all in their seventies) decided they wanted to visit one of the local cemeteries. I, of course, as the chauffeur, had no say in the matter. My Aunt Margaret gave directions and soon I drove down a grassy road that showed very little sign of use. Aunt Margaret was unperturbed when I suggested that a paved county road might be a better choice.

"This is a short cut. Just the locals know about it, " she said.

"Keep going," chimed in the grandmothers.

I drove about five miles when a bridge over a creek loomed ahead. I stopped. This bridge looked on its last legs with a badly rusted superstructure and a wooden road bed. That road bed was no longer completely covered. Planks made two parallel strips about two feet wide each that stretched across four by four cross beams. The bridge did not look safe and I told my passengers that  There was a least a thirty foot drop to the creek bed below. The three matriarchs were unperturbed and ordered me to drive on. I considered disobeying, but I was young, my grandmothers and aunt adamant and totally sure of the safety of the bridge, I drove on.

The minute my front wheels rolled onto the bridge, it shuddered. If I had been a passenger, I would have closed my eyes.  I was the driver; I had to look. The bridge actually swayed as I inched forward. My heart pounded and I concentrated on tracking the two rows of planks which now seemed very narrow.. Some of the planks tipped upward when the car moved forward.  The weathered boards were not nailed down.  From the back seat, both grandmothers urged me to go faster.  I did speed up, but only by a couple of miles per hour. Creaks, metal groans and wooden thuds accompanied our movement forward.  After what seemed like an hour, but in reality was only a few minutes, I drove onto the grass on the other side of the creek, grass that looked undisturbed by any vehicle.

Relieved, I glanced in the rear view mirror. There was a sign. I stopped the car and looked back.

In bright red, block letters was the word "CONDEMNED." My stomach jumped. I pointed to the sign and told my passengers, "We could have been killed."

"Well, nothing happened," said my paternal grandmother..

"If you're so nervous, we can go back the long way," said my aunt.

The matter settled we proceeded to the cemetery, then back to my great aunt's home the "long way."

I have never felt the same about bridges after that excursion.  I always look back for the condemned sign.


Photo by accent on the eclectic.  Bridge in photo is not the one I drove across.

Friday, January 29, 2010

How to Dye a Dog

I love my cats, but sometimes I wish I had a dog. Growing up, I had cats, dogs, horned toads, rabbits and even a white duck.  One dog, Missy, a black and white, border collie mix, was special.  She was loyal, protective and an extremely fast runner.

I was on top of the world the day I received by Bachelor of Science in Chemistry. When I started school, times had been tough for my family.  Mom had been sick my senior year in high school and our income plummeted. I had managed to stay in college only because I lived at home. My friends and family all celebrated my graduation with me.

By early morning, I was exhausted, so I happily went to bed, a proud, new graduate. I was deep in sleep when Missy barked wildly in the back yard and woke me.  Her bark changed to ear piercing yelps of a dog in trouble. We lived just a few blocks north of the university in the heart of Austin. As I stumbled to the back door, I wondered what had happened to my dog. Missy yelps stopped. I called her and she came at a hard run. As she approached, my nose identified the problem. Missy had been skunked!

Missy had been sprayed before. We had a small cabin near Lake Marble Falls where she often came in reeking of skunk.  We figured that she was such a sprinter that she reached a skunk before she realized what it was.  How else to explain multiple skunkings.  At our cabin, we kept a huge can of tomato juice to pour over her to neutralize the odor. We had never expected her to encounter a skunk in the middle of the city. We had no tomato juice.

When Missy reached me, I grabbed her and picked her up. The smell so close made me wretch, but I knew that I had to keep her out of the house and off the furniture.  If she behaved as she did at our cabin, she would head directly for my mother's bed.  Missy might be my dog, but Mom was her human.

My grandmother was at the door now.  "Take her to the tub,"she ordered. I obeyed.

I stepped into the tub with Missy   This tub was an old, claw-footed one with high sides so it was no easy task to get in it with a squirming, stinking dog in my grasp. I made it, still in my pajamas. I turned on the water and contemplated what to wash Missy with. My grandmother solved the problem.

"This is the best I could do," she said as she handed me two open cans of tomato soup.

I used both cans of the bright red soup on Missy, and the odor lessened noticeably.. I then washed her with my shampoo and rinsed her thoroughly. As I dried her, I noticed that her white fur was distinctly pink. Tomato juice had never done that. I picked up one of the soup cans and read the ingredients. Sure enough,this tomato soup contained a red dye. I looked at Missy; the red dye was very good at coloring dog fur.

With Missy in my grandmother's care, I bathed. As I sat in the warm water, I contemplated my graduation night and God's sense of humor.  I am sure he laughed when I poured tomato soup on my dog..  I would never forget this graduation with its highs and lows.

The next morning it was clear that our black and white dog was now bright pink and black. Several weeks would pass before Missy lost that color. Our neighbors all knew what happened, but I suspect that strangers seeing me walk Missy wondered why that woman had dyed her dog.

Missy did not care. I think she enjoyed the extra attention she received.  At least she never found another city skunk.

Photo by Charles & Clint

Friday, January 22, 2010

Baptists Shoot Their Wounded

My therapist has been pushing me to write about what is going on in my life. I don't(won't) keep a diary, so this is a close as I will get. My therapist (Sweets after the psychologist on Bones) tells me I should react with anger to what has happened to me in the last year. That I was hurt, but not angry, worries him.

First, some background.  Over a year ago, I was extremely depressed, so I did what seemed the only logical thing to do: I tried to kill myself.  I only failed because a friend found me in time and got me to the hospital. My suicide attempt may have been a side effect of a painkiller that I was taking because a bone in my leg was dying or a result of the depression.  My friends all want the attempt to be from the painkiller.  Since I still have suicidal thoughts I am not so sure the painkiller was the problem.  Certainly, it did not help.  My life had collapsed around me,  I won't go into details, just say they were financial, emotional, and spiritual.

The dying bone has been replaced by metal. I take a powerful anti-depressant. I see Sweets at least monthly. I still find the desire to kill myself there most of the time. For a while, I had reached the point where I wanted to die, but not to kill myself, but my Baptist friends have sent me back to daily suicide contemplation.  I just see no point to my life.  I still believe in God, but I have doubts that the individual's fate in this world matters in God's grand scheme.  I have no doubt that I will go to heaven and I would rather be there than here.

I belong to a moderate Baptist church and have attended the same Sunday School class for over twenty years.  I thought I was part of that group.  I was the most liberal member of the class, but my opinions had always been welcomed and I thought, respected.

The class responded wonderfully to my bone surgery and recuperation.  They bought my groceries for more that two months as I recovered from the surgery.  Of course, I battled the depression and a few friends and a cousin kept a close eye on me.  No one from my class ever mentioned it, even though I had not kept my problem a secret. When my recuperation from the surgery was complete, I received a shock. My help stopped.  I was told that the class would do no more and handed a list of food pantries.  I was so grateful, but stunned at the abrupt withdrawal of support.  I was working some, but not bringing in enough to support myself or my cats.  I believe the fact that I owned a bunch of cats contributed to the desire not to help me.  I was worse off than when I attempted suicide in every way but physical pain.

I saw no way to take care of myself or my cats.  I decided that suicide was still the only answer to my emotional and financial pain.   I would take steps to make sure I was not found in time. I have never felt so alone in my whole life.

A friend called and asked me to lunch.  I don't know what she said at that lunch, but I broke down and told her how bad my circumstances were.  I did not tell her that I was planning suicide.  She responded magnificently, giving me enough money to get on my feet and pay my income tax.  She has continued to be there for me.  The irony is she is an ex-Mormon who attends no church.  My Baptist friends did not even ask how I was doing.

A member of my class did call and said she wanted to help.  She was a trained social worker and said she had contacts that could help.  She promised me that anything I told her would be kept in confidence.  She lied.

I told way too much about what was going on in my life including a brief synopsis of my childhood.  What a fool I was.  I thought if I shared my pain, she would empathize as a fellow Christian.  She told me she just wanted to help.

Her idea of helping was to share my confidences with others.  She enlisted another member of my class, a real estate agent, to sell my house even though I had told her I did not want to sell.  She did all this without asking me.  The first I knew was a phone call telling me that the agent would call to set up a time to sell my home.  I collapsed emotionally.  I told the agent I could not see him.  I stopped going to Sunday School.  Only Sweets stood between me and suicide.

Sweets managed to help me through the darkness, seeing me on a stepped up schedule..  He was more appalled than I was at the lack of integrity by the class member/social worker.  Sweets is a Christian, but not a Baptist.  He helped me work through how Christians could act so badly and abandon you so completely.  He did not urge me to return to that class, but he did not tell me to leave the class. He should not have had to.  I should have known when I was given the list of food pantries that I did not belong there.  I was stupid. I could not face the reality that my "friends" believed I was a sinner who did not deserve help.

After several weeks, I returned to class.  I said nothing to anyone about the hurt I had experienced.  I should have.  Sweets says that is an issue we have to work on.  I just didn't want to be alone.

The class had changed.  Now Southern Baptists dominated it.  The members railed against the minister and staff because they did not espouse the conservative Baptist beliefs.  The class was caught up in intercessory prayer.  They were all becoming "prayer warriors"  I stopped going because the class just made me sad.  No one ever asked how things were going for me.  No one ever asked about my depression.  I never mentioned it either.

Finally, I had a financial crisis.  There was one member of the class that I had known from before we started the church.  He had been through something financially similar to my problems.  I thought he would understand and when I called, he seemed to.  He agreed to keep everything confidential.  We had several conversations and email exchanges.  He told me he had a plan to help me and I believed him.  I received an email to the whole class in which he told them what he was doing and what I had confided.  There went confidentiality.

He did have a plan: tell me in an email about all my failings, how I had procrastinated and that there was little hope for a good outcome.  I would lose my home and not get anything from the equity.  I received the email at eleven at night. At two, I was preparing to kill myself. 

I remembered what my pastor( he's gone now) had said once about suicide years before I ever contemplated suicide.  He said you can always do it the next day. Wait.  So I did.  I sent the email my "friend" had sent me to my cousin with a brief explanation of the circumstance.  The next day my cousin was there, caring and helping.  I saw Sweets two days later. I gave him all the emails I had between my "friend" and I. Sweets was appalled and disgusted with my "friend."  Sweets reminded me that I could call him for help anytime.  There is always someone on call.

Nothing has improved much, but I am hanging in there.  I will almost certainly lose my home.  My friends are all tired of my problems.  I pray, but still feel alone.  My dreams are ashes.  I have no one.  My cousin has had a tragedy in her family and financial setbacks because of the economy.  I do know why the Sunday School class has shunned me.  The tip-off was in that last email.

A true believer would not be depressed.   Depression is a sign that you are weak and a sinner.  If you were in tune with God, you could pray yourself out of such a mood.  While the Sunday School class believes that, I do not.  I know about mental illness because my mother was schizophrenic.  Her church turned her away when she had a psychotic break. I am stunned that fifty years later mine has shunned me.  Sweets assures me I am not psychotic, "just" depressed.  I think he knows that a child of someone with severe mental illness always worries about that.

There is one final chapter.  After Christmas, I received an email sent to all members of the class.  I am still on the email list.  In it, the class thanked the "friend" I had asked for help for all the aid he had given to someone else in our church.  The email went into detail about their prayers for this man, how much money the class had raised for him ($10,000+), and about the vehicle purchased for him as well as the other assistance given.  I would be the first to tell you that this man deserved all the help he received and I would not begrudge him one penny.  My question is why my Sunday School class never thought I deserved help during my year of struggle.  I would have been happy with their prayers.

Sweets told me I should be angry.  He wants me to write a letter to the class.  I am not sure I can.  Sweets says that is what we work on next.

I did remember what  my pastor said referring to how a Baptist church had kicked out of the congregation a recovering alcoholic.  "Baptists shoot their wounded."

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Pat Robertson Pact with the Devil Cursed Haiti




Pat Robertson's outrageous statements must rise out of a belief that God sends natural disasters such as the earthquake in Haiti to punish those caught in the disaster.  If so, he must then explain why God would do something so horrible.  This time Robertson conjures up a pact with the devil two hundred years ago as the reason God visited this calamity on Haiti.

I assume this idea of a pact is based on a ceremony that took place at the beginning of the successful Haitian revolution. Based on traditional African religious practice, a pig was sacrificed, then ultimate victory of the slaves from the French was prophesied.  This is not a pact with the devil. (A disclaimer: I do not believe in a personified evil, but do believe in evil within each of us.)  Even if such a pact existed, I doubt it would endure through generations.  The whole idea is absurd and leaves out God's saving grace.  God is supreme: the devil is not his equal.

Christ spoke of a tower that fell killing eighteen people.  He was emphatic that this had nothing to do with their sins.  In Matthew, Jesus says that God "causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous."   Natural disasters are not God's will, they are part of the fabric of this universe set in motion billions of years ago. Their results may be horrific, but they are not evil.  Evil comes from man, not nature. We lump all bad things that happen to people together, but that is not God's classification system.

Why the universe we live in is one in which there is so much suffering due to natural events I do not know.  When Job confronts God on this issue God asks Job: "Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge"   We cannot comprehend the why of creation.  For me this is not satisfactory.  I hope across death's threshold I will understand.

I do know that natural disasters are part of our lives.  How Christians react is a test of how well we have understood Christ's command to love our neighbor and the parable of the sheep and goats, but that is not why disasters occur.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Maddow on Letterman



Rachel Maddow appeared on the David Letterman Show January 7, 2010. Letterman treated her with as much respect as he is capable of displaying. I would like to swap glasses with him. My vision without correction is 20/450.

Her comments about President Obama made me reassess my views. Rachel Maddow is correct. Despite the rantings of the far right and Republicans, Obama has achieved a remarkable track record in 2009. If he pulls health care reform out of the mire this year, he will have achieved what Presidents since Theodore Roosevelt have wanted.

Maddow should have been selected as moderator for Meet the Press. NBC reverted to its "no broad capable" posture when it put David Gregory in that position. Rachel Maddow on MSNBC is the first crack in their masculine facade.